My God is The God of Answered Prayers as He has explicitly shown and continues to show me time & again. Thank you Lord! Iīm back!!
Below is a letter from my niece Dianne in response to a letter from her parents (further down). She has cancer of the blood coupled with acute pains all over her body and the anti-cancer drugs are attacking her main organs. She is desperately depressed and uergently needs the Holy Spirit in her life very urgently - please pray for her.
Yours in Christ
Philip Johnson
Hi Dad,
Thanks for the message. It really did touch me. The truth of the
matter is that lately I have been suffering from serious depression. I
alluded that to mom, but I think it is just as hard for her to hear as
it is for me to acknowledge. When I got the results back from my
biopsy, I think it made me begin to lose hope. I am 24 and need a
transplant. My kidneys are at 40%. A transplant usually occurs around
10-20%. As a woman, a transplant means a VERY SLIM possibility that I
will ever have children. All of that, in addition to the fact that I
am struggling in school I think is beginning to take a serious toll on
me. I sit in my house most days and just read. I have no friends in
New York and no support system. There is not a day that goes by that I
donīt think about dying, because I am sure death is less painful than
what I experience every day. My kidneys hurt. My joints hurt. My hair
is falling out. And you have seen my skin. Dad, I have been struggling
with this since 2003. Almost 6 years. I am tired. I am tired of
swallowing 10 pills a day. I am tired of monthly blood work. I am
tired of hospital visits. I am tired of not being able to experience
normalcy again. I am just tired of being tired.
I am sticking stuff out here because even with everything that is
going on, coming back to DC for me is tantamount to an admission of
defeat...What will happen if I go back there? The economy is bad so I
cant work. I will sit in the house and probably sink into a much
deeper depression as I realize that in my eyes, I am a quitter. On May
7th my first year of law school will come to an end. In an ideal
world, I would take the summer classes, then in my second year, take a
full work load and then move back home to complete my third year. That
is ideal. I have thought over the summer decision and as great as it
sounds, I donīt know if it is feasible. I already have more debt than
I would like, and I really donīt feel comfortable taking any more
money from you and mom...If I could give you guys the parents of a
lifetime award, I would :) So know that I appreciate all that you all
do.
I have come to grips with the fact that unfortunately for me, you guys
wonīt be here forever. With my condition, I know that the same is true
of me. However, while I am here I have to find some way to cope. Right
now I feel sorry for myself, and I know how selfish that is...but like
I said I am trying to cope. Somedays when we talk and I seem a bit
despondent, it is not because I am not happy to hear from you; it is
because Im just not happy...but I appreciate all of the prayers, and I
hope that you guys will continue to pray for me...because right now
the only thing I find myself praying for is for all of the pain to
end. I will wake up and realize that all of this was a terrible
nightmare. And I will be that running, dancing, jovial 18 year old
before the lupus. But until that happens, I have to learn to cope the
best way that I know how...by pushing myself to the limit.
I love you guys with all my heart,
D
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